forever six

Capture earth

My house is white. It sits alone, on an unending beach with an ocean somewhere. Its’ both hidden and visible and it’s there when it needs to be. In the midst of the beach, in the far distance all you can see is a vast raging forest inhabited by wild animals, lions, cats of all kind, wolves, dogs, giraffes, birds, alligators and elephants. I am the only one who can see this place. My house sits square in the middle of the forest, and directly around my house is a bright green lawn with pretty flowers of all colors. The animals are wild and I don’t interact with them. I rarely see them, unless of course I want to then they will come to the edge.

I send them my love through the air, and in the darkest night, they lift their noses to the sky and smell my love coming to them. They know why they are there- it is to protect me and they know I am grateful, so they are gratified. They will protect me all the days of my life here and I protect them because even though I am a tiny little girl, I am the ruler and what I say goes. It is unspoken, it is my will that keeps this place the fortress it is. My lions will eat you if you try to trespass. My glittering green eyes will detect even the slightest bit of unauthorized movement. There has never been a trespasser, it is forbidden.

All you can see, approaching the area wherever my house is, is great wilderness. Nobody would ever even think to go there because it is so wild and untamed and dangerous. Anyone would know that because there is a magic spell surrounding this place. It seems insurmountable and so it is. The only people allowed into my house are those I alone have chosen. I place them there with the utmost care, so I never have to remove anyone.

In my house, no-one leaves unless they want to and they never do. We have a life inside my house that includes ferrets, black and white kitties and white dogs, big furry ones who are loving and content to accompany me when I need them to. I have a big living room with a fireplace that is always on and large windows which I can see the ocean and the beach and my swimming pool. I have white rugs and carpets all over and giant white chairs with giant ottomans in every room. There are beautiful paintings on the walls, photos of people that I love. There are fresh flowers that Lidia has cut from the flower garden, they are all over the house in cut glass vases of all sizes and shapes.

Here I swim and play hungry hungry hippos and build castles in the sand and I fish but I always release them, I draw and paint and take long baths in my giant bath tub with lilac scented bubbles, I sleep with my dogs and cats and I eat beautiful food and watch movies and here I am forever 6, I never cry I never want I am safe, whole and untouched. The ugliness of life does not enter here, only light and love and safety. Lidia holds me and rocks me and strokes my hair and sings little songs very softly to soothe me. Here I can sleep, I am always able to do exactly what I want. Always protected.

Lidia is Lidia Bastianich who is from her show called Lidias Italy. That’s where I first saw her, cooking in her kitchen and I wanted her for my mother. She is a beautiful, caring, motherly loving figure who cooks for me and essentially is my private assistant. I am very young so someone needs to care for me here, who can do all the things I need done like cooking cleaning and tucking me in and all that stuff.

I am forever 6. I am a child who was saved by herself and placed in this fantastic retreat to live out my days, gratified, safe and contented. I am all I need to be. I am cared for by my benevolent adult self, taken away from the insanity in the nick of time.

My earth parents were horrible people that abused me and hated me, so I was taken away to live here. By my self. There will be no ugliness here and when she needs to, my adult self comes to visit me here, I always feel her watching over me, protecting me, but sometimes she actually spends time here. This is when I soothe her, so she can go back and continue her work there. She only comes when she needs to, which is once in a while.

The only way into this place is through the blue screen. We ascend the giant granite staircase to the stone building. We enter the silent door and enter the theater. It is pitch black and no-one is there but us. I am not afraid. I approach the giant screen with my adult self as she holds my little hand. I look up at her, trusting her to save me.

She shoos me forward into the blue screen. As I step through, the black other world falls away and I am urged forth on a cloud of love and as I approach my house, I see that I am actually flying, the only way in. it’s the spell that affords the transit. The spell was created in the house of Independence, where I found my way many years ago. This is where all life starts for me and can never be undone.

I am aware of my adult life and my precious daughter is my focus there. I don’t bring her to my house because she is blessed so she does not need to be there. She would be the only other to come in if need be. So far it has not been necessary. I have a safe house in that world where she is always welcome and protected. That is good for now. I have this story here so she can know this place and always find me if she thinks I am lost.

Tell her how to get here just in case. She will have to close her eyes, breathe deeply and picture the blue screen inside her head, enter the blue and approach without fear and let her mind enter the beauty that is my home. I will be here forever and she is always welcome here.

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